Growing up, I used to drive
I used to ask for directions
the car was my social space
and the interactions that I had in the
car were my entertainment
blinding twisting black asphalt
I used to drive around
because I didn't want to be home
I would ask people directions to
places that I knew
how to get to
to hear their answers
their minds visualizing a
route to a direction.
their words made a map
sometimes it felt bad
to ask for directions
from someone who gave
a thoughtful, kind answer,
that really tried to help
me
get to where I said
that I wanted to go
it made me sad
that I did that
but it was exciting
because I could listen
to someone visualize space
and describe
it to me
it also felt out of time
this is early GPS time
I think I had a GPS
but that is flat
like a paper map
that knows where you are
I don’t want to know where I am
I want to feel lost
I feel embarrassed I did this
it’s like I lied
to these people
that were trying to help
with their time
recalling the directions
in their minds
while I watched
them think about it
young, juvenile, naive
I don’t ask for directions
anymore
I just wander
and try
to recreate the feeling
of remembering directions
this one
time
I was asking for directions
and this older woman
was being nice
but was a little startled
by the question
how do you get to
the high school
and there are headlights
behind me coming to pass
my pulled over car
the woman said
oh you should
ask that cop for directions
that just pulled up
next to you
I said okay and
rolled down my passenger
side window
and asked the cop
how do you
get to the
high school.
I don’t like
cops
and I really don’t
want to lie
to this fucking
cop
I have to
say he
politely
gave me
incredibly accurate directions
to the high school
I know this
because I knew
precisely how
to get to
the
high
school
he then asked
me what are you supposed to do
when you drive up
to a stop sign
I said stop,
cop
and he said
yes
and that I didn’t
stop at a stop
sign
don’t do
it again
okay cop
so basically
that was the
last time I asked
someone for directions
because